No, My Kids Don't Get an Allowance...and Here's Why

As the boys were taking forever to get their laundry put away and fighting during the process, it got me thinking...would they be more willing to work together and get it done quickly if they were getting paid for it? Maybe... but here's the thing..

Growing up, I never once received an "allowance." Now, don't misunderstand me. My parents gave us money, but because we earned it. By doing work. Real, actual work. With the family business. and things that were above and beyond. Not everyday household tasks like cleaning up after yourself and picking up your toys. Things like picking dandelions in the yard or leaves out of the landscape rock... the things you did as a child growing up in the 80s :)

Early on, we decided as
parents that we

wouldn't be giving out allowances. Our thought process on this: you shouldn't be getting paid for completing tasks that are basic skills you need to be a productive, functioning member of society - including working as a team with someone you don't particularly like. No one is going to pay you to make your own bed, pick up your own crap, brush your teeth - and if you can't work as a team - good luck holding a job, etc. These are things you must learn to do without fanfare. 

So, as the kids have gotten older, naturally we expect more from them in terms of "chores." And the little one, bless her heart, is having to do more than her brothers did at her age, but that's life.

We have a 9, 7 and 3.5 year old. Here are all the things we expect them to take care of around the house these days:

1. make their own bed
2. clear their plate/load dirty dishes into the dishwasher
3. unload the dishwasher
4. brush their teeth
5. make sure their backpacks are in the car
6. fold and put away their own laundry ( the little one is learning)
7. gather dirty laundry and load it into the washer
8. rotate loads of wet clothes into the dryer
9. grab their own snacks from the snack drawer for school
10. feed the cats
11. put away their toys
12. pick out their own clothes/get dressed (this one can be tricky :))
13. empty track cans/gather all the trash

Do they complete all these tasks without prompting? Some of them - not all. After all, they're 9, 7 and 3.5. But they don't get paid to do them. Not a dime.

Sound cruel? Maybe to some I guess. But we try our best to award good behavior - ie doing what is asked of you - with more family outings, special dinners, coffee shop treats, etc. More time together, rather than money. In my humble opinion, we do a lot for them without paying them for tasks we believe are crucial life skills they should be doing anyway. We have, however, helped them set up a small concession stand as the city garage sale, they've "sold" their artwork to family and EARNED money doing other things.

Depending on the age of your child(ren) and their maturity, the tasks that you ask them to complete will be different. For example, if your child is able to get in and out of a toddler bed/full sids bed, they are at least old enough to help making that bed every day. 

Bottom line, we all parent differently. And that's ok. I believe in my heart we all are doing out best to prepare out kids to be contributing members of society. OUR kids will just learn to do it without an allowance.

Project de-clutter: Tips for organizing and refreshing your space in 2019

It’s winter in Kansas, but with the start of a new year, it seems my brain thinks it’s spring. When the year switched to 2019, it’s like I flipped a switch and went in to Spring cleaning and organizing mode.

OK. OK. I watched an episode of Tidying Up.

ONE episode. And the cleaning and organizing bug bit me. There. I said it.

And I secretly love it. I mean, who says spring is the only time for clearing out clutter and getting organized ?!?

First, it was all the t-shirts - all folded into

small, perfect, tiny, little rectangles. Then, it was the master closet. coat closet, spare bedroom closet.

before

after

before

after

before

after

And I'm still going :) But if you're not ready to go all Marie Kondo just yet, here are several simple ways to refresh your space in the new year:

•         Change out your bedding/comforter/duvet cover
•         Fresh coat of paint
•         Change out the throw pillows on your couch
•         Hang new artwork in space you spend a lot of time in
•         Add drawer/closet organizers to your spaces
•         Add real plants or flowers to your main living spaces
•         Rearrange the furniture in a room
•         Go through each room and remove SOMETHING---de-clutter
•         Add a basket to each room to gather random items that “don’t belong” (Thanks, Chalene Johnson!) 
•         Do a deep clean of a main room - don't forget those base boards :)
•         Add a fun chair to your office space
•         Clean out your fridge, pantry, lazy Susan
•         Change out your shower curtain and bathmats
•         Purge your closets of clothes you don’t wear or don’t fit
•         Clean out that “Junk Drawer” (or 7) that I we all have

I'm definitely no expert, but with any cleaning and organizing project, it’s easy to get overwhelmed, so I encourage you to do a few things before you get started:

1.      Take a walk around your home and Identify areas that you want to tackle and why

2.      Prioritize your list based on what means the most to you

3.      Create a timeline for implementing these changes! DON’T try and tackle them all in a day or even a weekend!

4.      Create a list of the items needed to tackle your first item.

5.      Get to work!!

I’d love to hear about what items you tackled first and see some before/after photos! Share below! And happy tidying 😊

Lucky 13: What I've learned in 13 years of marriage

I don't know about you, but I've been on a podcast kick for awhile now. I subscribe to numerous podcasts and listen to them in the car instead of the radio.

Just a few days ago I listened to a podcast hosted by one of my favorite people Chalene Johnson - The Chalene Show. (If you don't subscribe - I highly recommend!) And while the entire episode offered numerous, great tips on keeping intimacy and passion alive in your marriage (which seemed perfect on the eve of our wedding anniversary), there was one thing in particular that really struck a chord with me:

The behaviors you reward, you receive more of [from your spouse], and the behaviors you "punish", you'll see less. 

Seems obvious, right? 

But then she gave the example of when your spouse attempts to show you affection and you ignore it, show your annoyance or get mad about it. When you do this you're in essence punishing someone showing you AFFECTION!

When you say it out loud you realize just how crazy that sounds.

Now, listen. I'm not saying you can't be in a bad mood or want to be left alone, but I for one know ME and know that I am less than perfect about being kind and tactful in these moments. And it stopped me in my tracks when I could call to memory specific times I had brushed off affection or didn't just say thank you when I was complimented.

Justin and I were high school sweethearts. Anyone who knows us also knows this fact. 1999. That's the year we started dating. 2006. That's the year we were married. For all you mathematicians, that means we've been together for almost 20 years and married for 13. You don't go that amount of time and NOT learn a TON about each other. But having a strong healthy marriage means always striving to be a better, more present, considerate, loving spouse.

So taking Chalene's words to heart, I'm sharing here and will share with my husband just how amazing I think he is and a few ways I plan to make the next 13 years of marriage better than the last.

Ok - he comes the bragging...

Here are a few of the wonderful things about my husband:

He is a great listener. 

Even when I don't think he's listening he is.

And he uses these superb listening skills to surprise me with things I forgot I even mentioned. I made a comment about seeing a show at a dinner theater in town before Christmas. Never brought it up again, and what did this guy do: got us tickets to go see that very show.

I need to be a better listener. Put the phone down, Alicia. Make eye contact. Focus only on him. Block out other distractions.

He is incredibly hard-working.

For as long as we've know each other, Justin has had a job. From umpiring, to Dairy Queen, to the local gas station while we were dating, to Honeywell, a local souvenir shop, umpiring/supervising recreational sports and BE Aerospace and back to Honeywell after we were married, he's always worked extremely hard to provide the best life he can for us.

I need to thank him 
for this everyday. Don't take it for granted. There are not many people I know who  like to do thankless jobs, even as menial as scrubbing a pan that you over-cooked something in. 

He is a kid at heart.

Justin LOVES baseball...watching baseball, playing baseball and talking about baseball. And his face lights up at the thought of baseball. He also loves his video games. The Legend of Zelda is his favorite. And he's also discovered a recent love of comic books. He's nostalgic like me and loves all the things from his childhood. PS - he also sleeps with his childhood blanket. (It's honestly way cute.)

Don't ever let him stop being a kid. Let him play his video games, read the comic books and talk about baseball (within reason, of course :)). These things make him happy. And when he's happy, life is just better. Plus, he indulges me when it comes to gymnastics exhibitions and books and RV shows from when I was little.

He loves things to be clean and organized. (He IS an engineer)

Now I'm not a slob, but if we're comparing the two of us, he definitely wins this category :) He's not the one leaving shoes in random places or hanging sweatshirts on bathroom cabinet nobs.

Disorder and chaos stress him out, therefore I'm really embracing organization, de-cluttering and really making an effort to keep my crap picked up to decrease his stress level. The kids stress him out enough ;)

He is the best dad.

We have three kids that could not be more different from one another, but he has really been great - especially as they have gotten older and started to settle into their unique personalities, about fostering their likes and not using a blanket approach to parenting. With the older one, baseball and all things sports are their thing. With the middle one, it's Cub Scouts, Minecraft and soccer and with the baby... Well, they do whatever it is she wants LOL

Again, make sureh he knows this.

Thank him for all the practices, meetings and activities he makes sure he attends. Don't just think it - say it!

Happy anniversary Justin Scott. Thirteen years and a lifetime to go! I love you! 

Take quitting off the table

Famous words by one of my favorite people in fitness: Shaun T

Starting something new can be so exciting! But it can also cause a lot of fear and anxiety. Doubt creeps in and we start making up excuses as to why we shouldn't move forward. The Devil whispers lies in our ears: you're not strong enough; you're not disciplined enough; you don't have the willpower; you won't have time; you shouldn't take time for yourself.

And we believe them. We let those lies take over our thoughts until they've manifested themselves so deeply we quit on ourselves. Game over.

Let me just tell you, I've been where you've been. I've been the one who believed the lies. When I looked at my post baby body, all I could see was flaws. I could only point out what I hated about myself and not what I loved. I had completely forgotten who I was and didn't recognize the reflection staring back at me in the mirror. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. But I took a leap and so can you.

What if you decided right here - right now - to take quitting off the table in 2019? How would your life be different? How would things change if you took that fear, those lies, that doubt and pushed them aside like cobwebs in your path? What would be on the other side? 

For me, a craving for a more consistent fitness regimen - the desire to look and feel better - brought me to today. But my faith and mental health are reaping the benefits as well.  I found confidence. I found freedom to be me. I found strength - physical and mental. 

And with every workout I finished and every healthy choice i made, these feelings were amplified. I was finally seeing myself as a strong, capable wife, mother, friend and co-worker... merely a glimpse of the woman God already saw. It took a lot of time to get there, but along the way I met some amazing, inspirational people who help to keep me going.. people who keep me striving to be happy, healthy and holy.

A must-read for all
women about
true beauty by
Leah Darrow

We all have struggles. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors. And we're not here to judge. What we are here for is to be the best human beings we can be, which means being better than we were yesterday and believing we can be better still tomorrow.

What's that prayer? Ah, yes, the Serenity Prayer: 

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Today was day 1 of a new 6-week fitness

program for me... a new challenge...another new beginning and fresh start. Is that what you need - a fresh start? A support system? Don't be afraid to ask for help! You don't have to do it alone. And it's never too late to start something new - fitness related or otherwise.

Look in the mirror and really take a moment

to get to know the person staring back. Look in the mirror and say,"_____, you have to at least try, or nothing will change!"

Take a deep breath. Picture yourself already doing it. Take quitting off the table. Believe in yourself. Have faith in God to lead you. Believe you can because He already does. And I believe in you, too.

New Year, New Goals: Tips for Achieving Success in 2019

With the beginning of a new year comes the stress from the world to make resolutions, set goals to try and accomplish them in the next 365 days…do you succumb to the pressure? Or do you go with the flow and wake up and just keep rolling like any other day?

The following are Webster Dictionary definitions:

goal: the end toward which effort is directed

resolution: the act or process of resolving such as – the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler ones

Quite honestly, I’ve never picked the definitions apart before, but my interpretation would be that making resolutions really just means breaking down a big goal into the steps needed to achieve it. So that’s what I’m going to share with you. No matter what your goal, I think the following steps will all be helpful in helping you find success.

1.      Think positively

2.      Eat healthy and exercise daily

3.      Pray more/worry less

4.      Work hard

5.      Smile and laugh often

6.      Sleep well (ooh, boy that’s a tough one!)

While in no particular order, from the top down, this list challenges you to be physically, mentally and spiritually stronger. Are you still with me? Let’s break it down…

     Think positively: It’s so hard in the world we live into to stay positive all the time. After all, it seems the news is flooded with only the negative. But start small and watch your positivity grow. Here’s what I mean: instead of grumbling awake in the morning, be grateful for another day to spread love and joy. Instead of whining that you have to go to work, be thankful for the job that you have that helps pay the bills and provide for your family. When your day starts on a positive, it’s that much easier to keep it going. One of my favorite motivators is Shaun T. It won’t be easy, and it will take effort, but you’ve got this. I believe in you.

      Eat healthy and exercise daily: I know, I know. Like a lot of things on this list it’s easier said than done, but I can tell you from personal experience, I feel so much better about myself when I eat a healthy meal and work up a good sweat. You won’t realize just how good you DIDN’T feel, until you feel good 😊 That being said, we all have to start somewhere. And in order to take the first step, you must acknowledge and accept your starting point, knowing that it will take a lot of hard work and dedication to stay the course. Your head MUST be in the game! If you’ve struggled in this area, you’re not alone and don’t have to try and do it alone. I can help! With a little bit of planning, some discipline and motivation thrown in, we can tackle your goals. It won’t be easy, and it will take effort, but you’ve got this. I believe in you. 

      

Pray more/worry less: These two definitely go hand in hand. In my experience, the most freeing experiences for me have been when I do as my mom used to tell me “Just give it up to God.” If I’m being honest, I used to roll my eyes when she said this (Sorry, Mom!) Life isn’t that simple. Or is it? But as an adult, it has become more and more clear. There are so many things out of our control… we experience trials, heartache and setbacks all the time. And it’s in these times that God truly wants us to invite him into our struggle and wants to help us heal. So I invite you to try it. Lean into prayer and let Him work. We live in an instant gratification and ME ME ME world. Relinquishing control will not be second nature. One of my favorite resources when it comes to prayer is Blessed is She. I highly encourage you to check out their web site for more tips on intentional prayer!  It won’t be easy, and it will take effort, but you’ve got this. I believe in you.

      Work hard:  This one seems super self-explanatory. But one person’s definition of hard work doesn’t always match that of another. For me, working hard is giving your personal best. And if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know whether you are or not. Whether at your job or at home with your kids… are you focused on the task at hand or is your mind wondering? Are you in the moment? When your head isn’t in it, your body won’t follow. So if you have to tackle a big project or you’re at home trying to get things crossed of your honey-do list, break it down into smaller chunks that will allow you to really stay focused. Delegation, when appropriate is also helpful! It won’t be easy, and it will take effort, but you’ve got this. I believe in you. 

     

Smile and laugh often:  This one seems like a no brainer – but honestly I take life too seriously sometimes. Not that I had an unhappy childhood, but I used to be painfully shy and rarely smiled. Looking back, I “ruined” a lot of family photos with my frowny/mad face. So when something is funny, laugh… laugh too hard sometimes. And smile at everyone you pass during your day. The smallest things in life, including a simple smile can go a long way in turning someone’s day around. I especially like to try and smile at the kiddos I see that are about the age I was when I was so grumpy 😊 Studies have shown that when WE smile it makes us happier, too, whether we force it or not (PsychologyToday) It won’t                                                       be easy, and it will take effort, but you’ve got this. I believe in you.

     

Sleep well: This one is a tough one for me. I’m terrible about putting down the phone and going to bed. We’ve all heard by now the negative effects that screen time right before bed has on our quality of sleep. So why don’t we listen? Does it really matter that my FB or IG feed has been refreshed and I’m up to date before bed? It’ll all be there the next day. So to help myself, and may I suggest to help you too if you struggle with this, don’t keep your phone on your bedside table. Move it to a different part of your room or another room all together. It’ll remove the temptation and force you to think about what you’re doing if you get up to check it. And we’re all adults and all getting older (ack) so take some responsibility and know what time you need to go to bed to get a restful night’s sleep. Even if that’s 8pm 😊 It won’t be easy, and it will take effort, but you’ve got this. I believe in you.

I hope you’ll take to heart these 6 steps… think about how you can apply them in your life to help you accomplish your goals for 2019. What steps will be the hardest for you? What actions will you take to help get the ball moving on them? I encourage you to find an accountability partner ( I know a great one 😉) who can help keep you honest and on track. I think we can all agree if we share our goals with others, we tend to work a little harder to reach them. It won’t be easy, and it will take effort, but you’ve got this. I believe in you. And I’m praying for you.

Consistency is Key: Are you struggling to find it?

I don't know about you, but a lot of my childhood memories involve food, and last week's Thanksgiving celebration was no exception. I ate all the things. I'm talking cheesecake, pumpkin pie, gooseberry pie, pudding, oh my! And I didn't feel guilty about it. Not one bit. Want to know why?!? 

CONSISTENCY.

What does it mean to be consistent anyway? Is it getting up at the exact same time every day? Never missing a workout? Eating the exact same number of calories every day? 

How does one stick to a fitness and eating plan consistently anyway? 

The answer is different for everyone. You MUST create a plan that takes into account your personal likes and dislikes when it comes to both food and exercise if you want to be successful.

Here are 5 simple steps to help you strive for consistency in your eating and workouts.

Step 1: Be honest with yourself about your time

Take a moment and really think about your day. When is your day the most hectic? When you do you down time? When do you eat your meals - on the go? At your desk? What about your kids' activities? When do they take place? When are you the most tired? Have the most energy? 

By answering these questions, it will help you determine the best time of day to exercise and the types of meals you need to prepare to help you find success. If getting up early doesn't bother you, schedule your workout for the wee hours to knock it out. If you are always on the go, plan recipes that can be easily prepped ahead of time and grabbed while walking out the door. The key being to schedule these things like you would any other important appointment. Know when you are going to work out every day - even if it's at a different time on different days... know when you're going to meal plan and prep and put it in your calendar!!

Step 2: Determine what forms of food and exercise you like and don't like 

Our tastes definitely change over time. Things we didn't like as kids we can try as adults and discover we love them. So do some research. Do you really still hate broccoli? Give foods on your DO NOT EAT list another shot. Prepare them multiple ways. You may find if it's prepared a certain way, you love it! And truly take an inventory of what you are eating. Is your diet filled with fast food or processed food. Do a little "spring cleaning" if you will of your refrigerator, pantry and freezer. Focus on stocking them with lean meat, and fresh/frozen fruits and veggies.

The same goes for exercise. Maybe you only hate running because you were forced to do it in school. There are so many different forms of exercise that the opportunities are endless. Don't give up if you trying something and it isn't for you. The more things you try the more likely you are to find your soul mate workout!


Step 3: Find an accountability partner

Once you have determined your schedule, share it with someone you trust! Someone who is going to hold you accountable to it and check in on you daily/weekly/ etc. (whatever you have agreed to). This person has to be someone you can count on to be honest and push you to stick to your plan. Someone who is "too nice" and is going to let you slide isn't who you are looking for. This person can be a spouse, friend or even a colleague. But they will be putting in some effort, too, so respect their time and feedback. If you want them to be honest and help you, you must be honest with them as well.

Step 4: Be patient with yourself

Remember, you are human. You will slip up. You will get off track. You will want to give up. So don't strive to be perfect. Perfection doesn't exist in this world. Instead, strive to be better than you were the day before. Make one more healthy choice today than you did yesterday. Work out just a little harder than you did the day before. Making small changes every day will add up to big results. And once you see results, you won't want to stop.

Step 5: Don't be afraid to ask for 
help 

Your health and fitness is something you should take seriously. And making changes can be scary and overwhelming at times. Don't be afraid to ask for help. If there is someone in your life who seems to have it all together, ask them for some tips. If you follow someone on social media that you admire for their consistency, send them a DM. Most people, myself included, share their journey because they truly want help, inspire and motivate others to get healthy. So reach out. Ask your questions. It may just change your life.


Now back to what I was saying about my Thanksgiving indulgences. I didn't feel guilty treating myself because 

A) I didn't go completely off the deep end - enjoyed some great food but also worked out every day 

and 

B) I'm otherwise consistent with my eating and workouts, therefore a day of indulging isn't going to ruin  the hard work I've put in every other day. Remember, while you can't lose 20 pounds in a day, you can't gain 20 pounds in a day either ;)

Your challenge: Walk through these steps in the next week. Plan. Prep. Find your person. And roll into 2019 ready to take back your health. And remember - I'm here to help ❤️

Alicia


PS- I'd love to hear from you about your plan! And please teach out to me if you have questions!

Back to School: Top Tips for a Successful Year

Don't look now, but another school year is upon us 🙈 I know, I'm in denial, too. But I can no longer avoid the brand new backpacks filled with shiny new supplies ready to be thrown over three little shoulders 💕 We've enjoyed our summer, but I think we're all ready to get back into a routine.

Here are some of my top tips to help you get back into school mode and have a successful year 👇


GET ORGANIZED

With three kids in school - pre school, 2nd and 3rd grade, it's incredibly easy to get overwhelmed with important dates, activities etc surrending their school, sports and other activities 😳 So every time you open an email from a teacher or coach, have your phone handy and ready to add activities and reminders to your calendar. If you're not prepared to add to your calendar, don't open the email until you can, or mark the email as unread so you remember to go back to it and don't miss important dates.

A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING

And along these same lines, and a favorite of my engineer husband's, a little 5S for you: a place for everything and everything in its place. When you establish some ground rules for where backpacks, shoes, etc. get put when they walk in the door... where dirty clothes go at the end of the day, how things get left in the bathroom... and on and on, you'll have fewer days that require prayers to St. Anthony to help you find things. When you go to get something, you'll know exactly where to look because it has an "assigned seat!"

KEEP BREAKFAST SIMPLE

Rubbermaid containers found at Walmart

I struggle with this one! I work full time and we have to be out the door early, making a homemade breakfast difficult. I grew up eating homemade breakfast just about every day and want the same for me kids. But the reality of the situation is it's not always feasible. By keeping different cereals, granola bars, oatmeal, bowls, spoons and cups at eye level for them, they can do more on their own, saving time and teaching them responsibility 😊

Another time saver and way to add homemade items to their list of breakfast choices is by making your own homemade waffles, pancakes, muffins etc that you can freeze and they can pop in the toaster, or microwave 👍👍


CHOOSE CLOTHES THE NIGHT BEFORE

Letting your kids choose they clothes the night before saves time and eliminates fights in the morning since THEY chose the outfit. This also ties back into staying organized. If you have added important school activities to the calendar, you'll know the night before if they need to wear anything special, etc. the next day!

GO THROUGH BACKPACKS

... as soon as you get home!! Look for important papers, permission slips, etc and again be ready to add items to your calendar. Fill out any forms immediately if you can and put them right back in the backpack! Repeat this process in the morning about 10 minutes before you walk out the door. Make sure your kiddos aren't trying to bring anything to school you don't want them to - toys, candy, etc. 😊

And on a more serious note, with so many tragic stories about guns finding their way into backpacks, I implore you: Check your child's bag EVERY DAY ❤️ It's vital in maintaining your child's safety and the safety of others in their school.

KEEP AN OPEN DIALOGUE

One of the more important things, in my opinion, is keeping an open dialogue with your kiddos, their teachers and school staff. Talk to your kids about their day beyond "how was your day?" Ask instead questions like,"What was the best part of your day? What was the worst part of your day?
What made you laugh today?
What book did you get to read today? Who did you play with at recess? etc.

It's so important to communicate with your kids so they know they have a support system and come come to you with anything and everything! It's also important to communicate regularly with their teacher. If you have ANY concerns make sure you contact your child's teacher and stay on top of anything that you think could turn into a problem. They can't help your child if they don't know about the issue. You are your child's best advocate!

Stay positive. Take one day at a time. Breathe. Smile. And have a GREAT year ❤️


** Bonus Tip: keep a drawer full of healthy snacks within their reach that they can grab and toss in their backpack for a snack at school or for an after school snack. Try to avoid anything with peanuts, though, since a lot of schools have restrictions on nuts!