Lucky 13: What I've learned in 13 years of marriage

I don't know about you, but I've been on a podcast kick for awhile now. I subscribe to numerous podcasts and listen to them in the car instead of the radio.

Just a few days ago I listened to a podcast hosted by one of my favorite people Chalene Johnson - The Chalene Show. (If you don't subscribe - I highly recommend!) And while the entire episode offered numerous, great tips on keeping intimacy and passion alive in your marriage (which seemed perfect on the eve of our wedding anniversary), there was one thing in particular that really struck a chord with me:

The behaviors you reward, you receive more of [from your spouse], and the behaviors you "punish", you'll see less. 

Seems obvious, right? 

But then she gave the example of when your spouse attempts to show you affection and you ignore it, show your annoyance or get mad about it. When you do this you're in essence punishing someone showing you AFFECTION!

When you say it out loud you realize just how crazy that sounds.

Now, listen. I'm not saying you can't be in a bad mood or want to be left alone, but I for one know ME and know that I am less than perfect about being kind and tactful in these moments. And it stopped me in my tracks when I could call to memory specific times I had brushed off affection or didn't just say thank you when I was complimented.

Justin and I were high school sweethearts. Anyone who knows us also knows this fact. 1999. That's the year we started dating. 2006. That's the year we were married. For all you mathematicians, that means we've been together for almost 20 years and married for 13. You don't go that amount of time and NOT learn a TON about each other. But having a strong healthy marriage means always striving to be a better, more present, considerate, loving spouse.

So taking Chalene's words to heart, I'm sharing here and will share with my husband just how amazing I think he is and a few ways I plan to make the next 13 years of marriage better than the last.

Ok - he comes the bragging...

Here are a few of the wonderful things about my husband:

He is a great listener. 

Even when I don't think he's listening he is.

And he uses these superb listening skills to surprise me with things I forgot I even mentioned. I made a comment about seeing a show at a dinner theater in town before Christmas. Never brought it up again, and what did this guy do: got us tickets to go see that very show.

I need to be a better listener. Put the phone down, Alicia. Make eye contact. Focus only on him. Block out other distractions.

He is incredibly hard-working.

For as long as we've know each other, Justin has had a job. From umpiring, to Dairy Queen, to the local gas station while we were dating, to Honeywell, a local souvenir shop, umpiring/supervising recreational sports and BE Aerospace and back to Honeywell after we were married, he's always worked extremely hard to provide the best life he can for us.

I need to thank him 
for this everyday. Don't take it for granted. There are not many people I know who  like to do thankless jobs, even as menial as scrubbing a pan that you over-cooked something in. 

He is a kid at heart.

Justin LOVES baseball...watching baseball, playing baseball and talking about baseball. And his face lights up at the thought of baseball. He also loves his video games. The Legend of Zelda is his favorite. And he's also discovered a recent love of comic books. He's nostalgic like me and loves all the things from his childhood. PS - he also sleeps with his childhood blanket. (It's honestly way cute.)

Don't ever let him stop being a kid. Let him play his video games, read the comic books and talk about baseball (within reason, of course :)). These things make him happy. And when he's happy, life is just better. Plus, he indulges me when it comes to gymnastics exhibitions and books and RV shows from when I was little.

He loves things to be clean and organized. (He IS an engineer)

Now I'm not a slob, but if we're comparing the two of us, he definitely wins this category :) He's not the one leaving shoes in random places or hanging sweatshirts on bathroom cabinet nobs.

Disorder and chaos stress him out, therefore I'm really embracing organization, de-cluttering and really making an effort to keep my crap picked up to decrease his stress level. The kids stress him out enough ;)

He is the best dad.

We have three kids that could not be more different from one another, but he has really been great - especially as they have gotten older and started to settle into their unique personalities, about fostering their likes and not using a blanket approach to parenting. With the older one, baseball and all things sports are their thing. With the middle one, it's Cub Scouts, Minecraft and soccer and with the baby... Well, they do whatever it is she wants LOL

Again, make sureh he knows this.

Thank him for all the practices, meetings and activities he makes sure he attends. Don't just think it - say it!

Happy anniversary Justin Scott. Thirteen years and a lifetime to go! I love you!