Living intentionally: My 2017 Report Card

2017.

Is it really the last day of 2017? Why is it that, once again the year seems to have to passed so quickly?

365 days.
8,760 hours.
525,600 minutes.
31,536,000 seconds.

I hate to break it to you, but you guys, this is actually quite a lot of time. And since we're not guaranteed any of it, consider yourself blessed that you are here to talk about it 😁

But I'll let you in on a little secret... though time is finite and you CAN'T make it actually last longer, you CAN live more intentionally with the time you are given.

One thing that has helped me over the last year was to set goals! I know, it sounds simple and somewhat cliche, but it works.

Let's take a look back at the beginning of my 2017 and the goals I set for myself ...

•  Start a blog ✔️
• _-             Run a half marathon ✔️✔️
• _-             Run a full marathon ✔️
• _-             Become a Beachbody Live instructor/Group exercise instructor 🚫
• _-             Run a race with my husband and kiddos ✔️
• _-             Read every night to my kids 🚫
• _-             Go on a date night at least once a month with my husband 🚫
• _-             Participate in more church activities ✔️
• _-             Continue to help people on their fitness journey as a health and wellness coach ✔️

No, I didn't achieve everything I set out to accomplish, but I know that if I wouldn't have challenged myself at all, I wouldn't have ANYTHING to check off a list. And just because I didn't exactly achieve these as written doesn't mean I didn't make strides toward getting there.

When you set goals and are striving to reach them, your actions become more intentional. You aren't just "getting through" each day, but rather living in the moment and not letting the days just pass by. Have you ever gotten to work or your destination and wondered how you got there?!? That's what I mean. Be present.

I encourage you as this year comes to a close to take a moment and reflect back. How did you spend your days? What do you value most? Does that match up with how you spent your time?

Here are 7 steps I encourage you to take as we close out 2017 to help you live more intentionally and have a great 2018:

1. Acknowledge your blessings, even ones that seem small.
( Food in your belly, the clothes on your back, a vehicle to get you where you need to go)

2. Find your peace from any hurt you may have experienced.
( Acknowledge your pain and get help by talking with a trusted friend or professional)

 3. Set your goals and determine who will be your accountability partner.
(If you're overwhelmed by yearly goals, break it down into weekly or monthly goals and share those with someone you can trust to hold you to them.)

4. Set priorities based on these goals and spend your time accordingly.
(Don't overextend yourself and know it's okay to say no to things that don't match up with your goals or values. Also, use the calendar on your phone to set reminders to help keep you on track)

5. Know that perfection is not achievable.
(You'll have good days and bad days. Acknowledge them both, learn from your experiences and move on 😊)

6. Ask God to be with you to help encourage you and to guide you on the right path.
(We are all human and therefore capable of slipping up. But God is perfect and loving and wants to be invited into both our triumphs and struggles. Don't forget he is always with you and listening even when you feel abandoned by others)

7. Be hopeful.
(Life is hard, but when we lose hope it becomes even harder. Keep your eye on the prize: (Heaven ✝) and continue to pray and give thanks always)


Happy New Year!!! Wishing you and yours peace and blessings for anything that comes your way in 2018 ❤️

Alicia

Oliver Queen: Saying good-bye to our furry friend

For the sake of full disclosure, before I started dating my husband, I was NOT a cat person. Growing up, we had dogs and birds as pets. I suppose like many opinions growing up, you start out by sharing those of your parents :) My parents weren't cat people, therefore, I wasn't a cat person.

But when I moved into an apartment in college with no roommate, my husband (boyfriend back then) highly encouraged me to get a cat. He really felt I needed a companion... another living creature to keep me company when he couldn't be there. HE was a cat person :)

After a little push-back I agreed to go to the shelter to meet some furry friends. That's when we met Ali and immediately fell in love with her. Almost 15 years later, she's still with us and we consider her part of our family.

 

Fast forward to May of this year when we brought Oliver Queen AKA The Green Arrow, into our home. Another rescue kitty, Justin saw a fb post, went to meet him and it became not a question of IF he would be coming home to our family, it was WHEN would he be.  Justin and Oliver met and the two immediately bonded ❤️

This was NOT the case with Oliver and Ali. 

A kitten still at just 12 weeks old, the two fur balls struggled to get along - the older, established, territorial female and the sweet and innocent, adorable and energetic male.

Really it was Ali who didn't seem to be a fan of Oliver,  but nonetheless Oliver loved both playing and tormenting Ali 😁

He was playful, cuddly, great with the kids and loved long naps both on Justin's chest and his favorite spots on top of the couch and SOMETIMES he and Ali would "accidentally" takes naps next to each other on the couch ❤️.

With Ali sleeping by my head, Oliver assumed a position near the foot of our bed at night and cemented himself as part of our little family - no longer just a pet.

And just like that of a human friendship/ relationship, when you've invested your time and heart into someone and you're emotionally invested, when they hurt, you hurt. 

And that's exactly where we find ourselves today. Hurting. 

Last night we came home after being out of town to our sweet Oliver in his litter box unable to move. Our amazing friend and neighbor didn't hesitate to agree to staying with the kids so Justin and I could take him to the emergency vet clinic. It was there they would tell us his prognosis upon initial exam was poor, only to be confirmed by blood work.

Oliver was in bad shape.

We asked the vet,"If he was your cat, what would you do?" His answer, though honest, was not what we wanted to hear. But we, both Justin and I, knew it was what we had to do. 

We each spent time holding him and were by his side when he passed.

Quite honestly, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I fully understand how blessed we are that it wasn't one of our children, one of us or another family member, but it was real, raw pain that we experienced. The kind that makes you sob until your stomach hurts. The kind that's mind-numbing and blurs time.

Making the drive home with the box on your lap that contains the lifeless, but still warm body of your beloved furry family member is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. It sucks. It's heartbreaking.

 It's also one of the hardest things our children have had to experience. They've never experienced death before - human or otherwise - so close to them. Trying to explain it all had been though to say the least.

There are varying opinions about animals and Heaven - honestly some good arguments for both sides. Regardless whether you'll see your pet in Heaven or not, these animals that become pets that become like family are all creatures of God and God loves all of them. I believe in my heart that He takes care of them when they leave this Earth - wherever that may be.

Like many hard situations, the passing of time helps to heal. I have no doubt this will be the same, but Oliver is already greatly missed and it's not going to be easy.

Alicia

I've been a Mom for how long?!?

I'm sitting in bed thinking back to this day eight years ago. Wow. Eight years. That can't be right.

I remember the day pretty clearly. Work as usual with a doctor's appointment in the afternoon. Our due date was December 20 and we were preparing for a "Christmas baby."

But that was soon to be turned on its head.

Going through motions of another ob appointment meant checking my blood pressure. Never a problem prior to this day, my blood pressure was high.

"We're going to have you lay here for a few minutes, then we'll check it again," said Dr. Peck. So several minutes later, they check it again. It's even higher. Uh oh.

After a conversation about sending us home and having come back the next day, Dr. Peck ultimately decided he was going to send us directly over to the Birth Place.

"Ok, guys. Looks like you're going to have a baby!"

By this time, no one was left in the office except one lady at the front desk. She talked to us for a few moments, about what I can't remember. Then Justin and I walked out into the hallway.

It was eerily quiet.

We looked at each other with tears in our eyes, slight panic in our faces and just held one another.

Holy crap. We were about to become parents!

Ok. Game faces.

We quickly called our families and headed over to check in. My bag wasn't completely prepared, sitting half packed on our bedroom floor. But ready or not, this show was about to get started.

A few things about my very first labor and delivery experience:

If I couldn't have McDonald's, I at least wanted to be able to smell it :)

Those rooms are not nearly big enough for the crew we had there that night.

My papa can sleep ANYwhere.

Having nursing students observe your labor and delivery is very humbling.

Cone heads are not cute. 😂

My doctor was the best.

Thinking back, the evening and early morning hours of the next day were a bit of a blur. They had given me antibiotics for four hours before breaking my water, I'd gotten my epidural at some point and stadal to help me sleep. Not entirely sure what order that all too place in :)

But I'll never forget the hour and moment when God bestowed on us the most amazing blessing. Christian McCoy was born at 6:59am on December 8, 2009.

As it were, one minute before shift change, so double the everybody in the room when he was born. I remember one of the nursing students thanking me. Christian being born was the first live birth she'd ever witnessed.

We've had our ups and downs like all parents have with their children. But it's important to remember the past and keep moving forward.

Christian is growing into the most amazing kid. He's super bright and loves school, excelling at math and reading. He's also an artist in his own right and possesses more creativity in his eight years than I ever will.

But he's also just a boy who loves baseball, being silly with his friends, playing video games, laughing at farts and words like butt and poop.

To say Im proud to be his mom, well, that just doesn't do it justice.

Happy birthday, sweet boy. I'm beyond blessed to call you mine ❤️

26.2 Miles Changed My Life

I signed up for my first race when a friend said she was running and I should, too. It was a half marathon. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into, but it was too late. I'd been bitten by the bug.

Fast forward to January of this year, with numerous half marathons under my belt, when I decided to set the biggest running goal I'd ever set for myself: the bucket-list worthy FULL MARATHON.

Well, thinking back, it was more a challenge my husband presented to me. "Hey, babe? I think you should train for a full marathon."

Challenge: accepted. And I'm glad  I did. Training for this race changed my life and strengthened my faith.

When I had crossed off an additional two half marathons - the Garmin Half Marathon in April and the Bill Snyder Highway Half Marathon in May - my 26.2 goal started to come into better focus.

Garmin Half Marathon

Bill Snyder Highway Half Marathon

To train, I would follow the same program I had used for my very first half marathon. I trusted Hal Higdon and his process and had no doubt his full marathon training program would get me to the finish line. And although I've always known I could trust God, that I was loved by God and God is love, what I didn't expect is for something like running to strengthen my faith and draw me closer to Him.

The Hal Higdon training program is 18 weeks long averaging 15-24 miles per week in the first seven weeks, 25-40 miles per week in the next eight weeks with the longest training run being 20 miles. By the time you complete the training program, you'll have logged over 400 miles.

One thing I knew going into this, was that I wanted to minimize the amount of time that the training was going to keep me away from my family. It meant leaving my quiet house with everyone sound asleep early, early in the morning when my distances increased and waiting until the kids were in bed on runs I needed to complete during the week. It maximized my time with the kids, but still took time away from my husband.

Justin has been amazing throughout the entire training process, dragging the kids out of bed earlier than kids should be on a weekend to bring me water and cheer me on. With each run I found myself thanking God for the blessing of such a supportive spouse and three awesome kiddos. I thanked Him for each mile I safely logged by marking myself with the sign of the cross at each mile marker as a reminder that the gift of running was given to me by God and should thus be dedicated back to Him.

Each mile I ran became more about God and my family and less about me. I started to find more comfort in my Pandora Catholic "Kids" Worship station than my pop fitness station. I found several amazing podcasts that inspired me to be a better person... even listening to them as I would run sometimes. I found a great Facebook group of others moms with a love of Christ.

God works in mysterious ways so the saying goes, and I can't explain how all these elements fell into place, but I feel extremely blessed that they did. I strengthened my relationship with God through prayer and encouraged my family to do the same - to talk to God even if just to tell Him about your day or to thank Him for the roof over our head.

And just a few days ago, the culmination of our efforts... a day months in the making that included hours upon hours of running, cheering and teamwork. A challenge that turned into a goal, that turned into a reality, with a lot of blood, sweat, tears and prayers along the way.

I completed my first full marathon in four hours and nine minutes. Four hours and nine minutes carrying not only MY prayers but of those I offered up on behalf of other brothers and sisters in Christ. And during the race when my legs started to ache, the wind pushed against me and my mind started to doubt, when it got hard I reminded myself who I was doing this for and it helped me continue on. And let me tell you, when I saw my beautiful family near the finish line - queue the tears. It was the absolute best feeling.

There are some people in life who make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger and live a little better. For me, these people are my family. I thank God for them every day. I may have been the one who physically ran the 26.2 miles and the one wearing the medal last Saturday, but as a family we all earned it.

My family, who through God's grace and blessings, has been supporting me through my pursuit of running for YEARS now. I hope and pray they see in me a wife and a momma who has a passion for the Lord and a desire to work hard and accomplish big dreams. I hope and pray they set out to do the same ❤️

I know I'm not the first or last person to ever run a marathon , but right now I'm on cloud nine.

I think I'll just hang out here for awhile.

Alicia

Stroller Running: My Top 5 Tips

I'm a runner. Before Justin and I got married, I ran. After we got married, I ran. After I had all our babies I ran and I'm still running today - less than a month away from my first full marathon in fact.

But one thing I haven't done in a LONG time, was run with the jogging stroller. Anyone who has done it before I'm certain will attest to it being a completely different world of running! 

Throughout my marathon training program, the majority of runs have taken place after the kids go to bed, or at the crack of dawn when everyone is still in bed. So, today, when an afternoon appointment meant I could get in my run before the sun went down, I jumped on the opportunity!! The catch, however, was that it would have to be pushing a 30-pound little girl in a stroller :)

No worries. If I can run 18 miles at a time up to this point, 5 miles pushing a stroller should be no biggie. Ha! No pun intended, it gave me a run for my money :) I had forgotten just how much is involved when it comes to the sport I call "Stroller Running."

Here are my top 5 tips before you venture out with your little one + jogging stroller:

1) Check the air in the stroller tires!!

 I forgot to do this and it definitely makes things harder on you, and it's a good way to ruin the tires. Pushing around the weight of a baby and stroller is hard enough without the added resistance of a partially flat tire!

2) Wear the same running attire as you would running solo.

I made the mistake of running in cotton shorts and a t-shirt. Let me tell you, it's not cool to be pulling up your shorts with one hand while trying to push the stroller with the other LOL You have enough other things to worry about - having shorts that are falling down shouldn't be one of them!

3) Know your limits and don't expect to run at your normal pace.

Even being less than a month from my marathon, this was still a tough run for me. I ran about a minute to a minute and a half slower pace than normal.  When you're pushing with one hand and pumping your other hand, it's going to throw your stride off, not to mention having to avoid kicking the tires on the stroller. Take it easy and if something doesn't feel right, take a break.

4) Form, form, form!

Running with a stroller engages your arms in a whole new way. I typically only use one arm to push... my right arm because it's naturally stronger... but if you feel more comfortable pushing with both, remember not to slouch. Your back won't be happy with you if you run hunched over!

5) Have fun!

Duh, right! Even though you're getting in a workout, you're also getting in some great quality time with your kiddo(s). Some of my favorite memories are my long walks and runs with the kids going on scavenger hunts, counting all the cars we'd see, working on our colors playing "I Spy." Be creative! 

5 miles ✔️

Happy Running ❤️

Becoming a family of 4: Nolan's birth story

We always knew we wanted more than one child, As I've mention in the past we said "one of each and we'll stop at 4." What we didn't expect, after trying for a year to conceive Christian, was getting pregnant at just the mere "thought"  having another child 😉

After the shock had somewhat worn off and the reality of having two children started to sink in, we put our game faces on. Ok - what do we need? Another car seat, crib, double stroller...

We had this.
We were ready.

And then we weren't.

At our 20 week ultrasound when they check growth and development and can with more certainty know the sex of your baby,,, a hiccup in the plan. As the sonogram ticked on minute after minute, we noticed the sonographer seemed to be spending an awful long time looking at our baby boy's (Yes - we were expecting another son!!) head and brain.

We could sense something wasn't right, but of course when we asked if something was wrong were told "the doctor will go over everything with you." So unlike with Christian when we had been able to leave the office with our baby pictures in hand and smiles plastered on our faces, we were ushered back into a room where the nurse practitioner (my doctor wasn't there that day) explained what had been found on the ultrasound. Our baby boy had a choroid plexus cyst.




Although there didn't appear to be any other abnormalities that are typically present with Trisomy 18,  which is usually the concern associated with these, we were referred to a specialist and would have to get am additional ultrasound at 28 weeks. I immediately broke down. I didn't want to look at the pamphlets she handed me. I didn't want it to be real, Waiting those next eight weeks felt like an eternity, An eternity in which we cried. A lot. And prayed, A lot.

Finally we had made it to 28 weeks. I remember not even being able to bring myself to look at the monitors during the sonogram. I didn't look until the doctor conformed what we'd been praying for - a healthy boy! All thanks to God, the cyst had resolved on its own and our baby boy was HEALTHY!!

It was so awesome to finally be able to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy without constant worrying - to get our other son excited to welcome his brother - to prepare his room - to truly embrace being a family of four.

***

I had gone to work just like any other day and then on to the gym where I would proceed to walk on the treadmill for 45 minutes before coming home. At this point our baby was "overdue" and we more more than ready to welcome him! I came home, showered, ate dinner and put Christian to bed. I remember sitting on the couch watching TV with Justin and experiencing contractions. When they had been 5 minutes apart for an hour, Justin told me we needed to call my doctor. I so desperately didn't want to be sent home from the hospital saying I wasn't in labor, that I made Justin make the call to Dr. Peck.  He told us to come in! (I was already at a 6 when we got to the hospital and so I look back now and acknowledge the real possibility that if Justin hadn't made the call our little boy quite possibly could have been born at home!!) We called our amazing friends who watched Christian and asked if we could drop him off... I vividly remember that last picture we took on their front steps before heading to the hospital.


By the time we got to the hospital and got settled, it was late in the evening and just a few hours later in the calm, early morning hours of August 5th 2011 at 3:06am God blessed us with another son: Nolan Augustus Stuewe. Perfect delivery and a perfectly healthy boy.

Ironically as peaceful as his birth was, his personality turned out to be much different. He's incredibly stubborn, strong willed, passionate and SO different from his brother. This is the first lesson we came to learn about having two children - so close in age but different in so many ways. No matter how easy it is to compare them, don't. They are individuals with different strengths and talents and incredibly different birth stories which should have been out first clue :)

Going from one to two honestly wasn't hard. We could easily divide and conquer, although I'm sure I'm just blocking out all the hard days :) Having two boys back to back was also nice from the standpoint of sharing clothing, blankets, toys etc. We used what we could of Christian's but also made sure Nolan has things to call his own. But the best part of having a second child is all the loves that comes with them. Love for them, being loved by them and knowing the love of God is upon them.




Happy birthday to our incredibly stubborn, sweet passionate Nolan! You challenge us on a daily basis to be better parents and we love you more than you will ever know 💓

Our NOLA Top 10

My husband and I just got back from a four night stay in New Orleans. Yes - without our children. Although we missed them like crazy, it was really nice to spend time together- just the two of us!

Our primary reason for the destination was a fitness conference, but neither of us had ever been and we made sure we found lots of time to play tourist.

Here are our Top recommendations if you ever visit - in no particular order ❤️

1. Two Chicks Walking Tours Cemetery Tour - One thing to note is that you need a certified tour
   
   guide to get into the cemetery, so don't just think you can show up and waltz right in. You can thank all the hudlums who vandalized the graves. Anyway, our group met at a tiny cafe where you could use the restroom and they had umbrellas for you to use as they go rain or shine. They're free, though so we could return our $30It worth of ponchos to the Sheraton Hotel giftshop! Also, bring cold water and plenty of it. It gets super hot and humid and there's little to no breeze. Our guide was very knowledgeable and we learned a lot!
2. Mercedes Benz Superdome was one of the main conference venues, so while we didn’t witness a sporting event there, it was incredible nonetheless. If you’ve never been in a dome stadium, it’s worth it. It’s absolutely MASSIVE. The Smothie King Center is also right next door if you wanted to try and hit two birds with one stone.
3. Acme Oyster House is known for their hand-shucked oysters, but I’ll be honest, I wasn’t brave enough to try them :) The ones the table right next to us ordered, however, smelled and actually looked amazing! I stuck with red beans and rice and smoke sausage - a Louisiana staple.
4. Cafe du Monde Ah-mazing! Give me fried dough rolled in powdered sugar all the days! Beignets for the win! We stood in the to-go line for about 30 minutes, so of course we had to order two orders to make it worth our while :) The to-go line is cash only - so be prepared! That would be terrible to get close enough to smell them and have to walk away :( If we had had more time, we definitely would have stayed and gotten a table. Superb people watching! PS you can buy the mix to make your own beignets at home!!
5. Jackson Square is a must! It's in the heart of the French Quarter and sits right next to the Missisippi River. You can count on live music, artists and beautiful architecture including the stunning St. Louis Cathedral and is designated as a National Landmark. If you're looking for a relaxing afternoon this is where you want to be. While there are lots of tourists, you'll still be able to find a quiet spot to relax take it all in.
6. St. Louis Cathedral Catholic or not, this Cathedral is a must-see. It stands tall and proud in Jackson Square and boasts a rich history that dates back to the 1700s. Mass is still said there and the church still allows weddings, so there are "hours" for tourists as far as just viewing the church. Photography is allowed and I highly encourage it - just be respectful :)
7. 
   GW Finns This was hands down my FAVORITE place we ate. It does have a collared shirt dress code for men, but they have some on hand - at no cost - if you forget. The drinks were potent and the food was AMAZING. I ordered the Local Drum and would have licked the plate had it been socially acceptable. My better half ordered the Pork Chop which was also very good. And let's talk about the biscuits that melted in your mouth...pretty sure I ate at least half a dozen - oops! They just kept bringing them out and I do love my carbs :) I also had the Bird Dog Peach Old-Fashioned cocktail which was quite potent. It's probably the reason I had six biscuits.
8. WWII Museum My better half took the better half of one day and toured the National WWII Museum, which also was pretty close to our hotel. Plan to spend several hours there to see everything. The museum was fascinating - it lays out the war in chronological order - including the events leading up to the war. The Final Mission Submarine experience was an extra $5 but was a little disappointing. It was awkward because they try to assign you tasks that you would perform as part of the sub, but if you did that, you missed out on the video that was playing above you.
9. 
   Bourbon Street - 21st Amendment Bar You didn't think I'd leave Bourbon Street off the list, did you? We were told to try and stay away from Bourbon Street after dark, but we're rebels and were in a fairly large group - aka safety in numbers - so we did ok. This is a pretty low key place with live music where you can just go chill without the craziness that I feel the rest of Bourbon street is while still feeling like you've still got it :)
10. The Blake Hotel This is where we stayed. It was a pretty centralized location - with a lovely cafe/restaurant inside the hotel and a Starbucks and other little cafe just steps away. The convention center and Superdome were in opposite directions, but only about a mile away - as were Canal Street shopping etc. The hotel also has ice water in the lobby 24/7 which is awesome since it's so hot this time of year. And while most people wouldn't think much about this, the fitness center was fairly large with free weights and a view! And it was steps away from our room on the 11th floor. Our room wasn't huge by any stretch, but it was clean, the staff was friendly and we didn't have any issues. I'd definitely stay there again!

How about a BONUS? Be sure to check our Mother's. It's definitely touristy, but the food is good and it's a fun atmosphere - for my Kansas City peeps, it reminded me of Gates. They're famous for their baked ham - so make sure someone in your party orders it!

Ok - so that's a wrap! Bottom line, I'd definitely go back. We saw and experienced a lot, but there's a lot more to see!

She's more than just "our girl"

We always said we wanted one of each - a boy and a girl that is- and we'd stop at four. As if we really had any say in the matter. That was our story and we were sticking to it. Easy peasy, right?

It took us over a year to get pregnant with Christian. By the time we decided to try for number two, we were surprised, pleasantly surprised, with how quickly it happened! Baby boy number two was on his way. We welcomed Nolan a short 20 months after Christian :)

Christian McCoy

Nolan Augustus

Life with two boys was an adventure. Two totally different personalities made for lots of fun but also chaos. Life was great. It really was. And yet the questions from people ensued... When were we going to try for "our girl".

We ignored them. We took our time and enjoyed our boys. When WE were ready, we would try for baby number three. In July of 2013 we discovered I was pregnant! We were so excited and although we knew better, shared our excitement early on with the boys. We called our baby Baby Bean ❤️

But early on, I felt in my heart something wasn't right. I kept telling Justin I didn't FEEL pregnant. I tried to brush off the overwhelming feelings, but they wouldn't go away. When we went in for our first ultrasound, our worst fear was confirmed. I can still hear the words,"I'm sorry guys, I can't find a heartbeat." Although this was the same beloved, trusted doctor who had delivered Christian and Nolan, when he asked if we wanted a second opinion, we said yes, clinging to any shred of hope. Immediately following that appointment we went to a building close by the hospital for a second ultrasound. Same result: no heartbeat.

Miscarriage is rarely talked about. Unfortunately, now I can understand why. It is the single hardest thing our marriage has had to endure thus far. I blamed myself. I hated the world. I took comfort in knowing our baby was with God and yet still questioned Him: WHY? Justin and I argued a lot. We did. I tried to shut him out. We were both in so much pain and trying to figure out our own feelings and at the same time explain to the boys what had happened. I often cried on the way to taking them to school. It was a nightmare. I think about our baby every day and wonder what would have been.

But here's the thing, and ultimately the reason for me sharing our journey, God has a plan for each of us.  I really believe that. And so days away from our our little girl turning two, I've been reflecting a lot on God's plan for our family. I can't wrap my brain around knowing God knew all along Soria was coming.

After losing our baby, it took us close to another year to get pregnant with Soria. We held our breath during that first ultrasound and cried tears of joy when we heard her tiny heart beat for the first time. We were crazy excited when we found out she was a she! Although, we didn't think we were capable of having girls, so we had multiple ultrasounds done to confirm :)

Other than the usual aches and pains associated with pregnancy, everything was smooth sailing until the day she was born.

I was induced the morning of June 10th 2015. After they broke my water things moved really fast. So fast the epidural didn't do much at all :(  And then after thinking all was good, our world stood still.

I can close my eyes and picture it like it was yesterday. I knew something was not right.  I  never looked up but I could feel the presence of multiple people surround me. And then it became clear. Her shoulders were stuck. I kept my eyes closed and focused in on my doctor's voice. I only listened to her.

I'm honestly not sure how much time passed before she was out, but they quickly held up her seemingly lifeless body for a very brief moment before taking her away. Justin didn't get to cut the cord; I didn't get to hold her.

We heard someone say to page Dr something, and without knowing who that really was, we knew he was the neonatal dr on call, the office we had walked past multiple times that morning, never thinking we'd meet him... all I could do was cry and pray.

After a small eternity had passed, we finally heard her cry. She was bruised up, but otherwise ok! I give all the credit to Dr. Blevins She quickly took control of the situation, yet was calm throughout the whole ordeal and in turn kept us calm and reassured. (Dr. Peck, thank you for leaving me in such capable hands. Rest in peace.) The nurses were all amazing as well!

So you see, Soria isn't just "our girl." She represents so much more. She completes our family puzzle. She's a fighter. She represents hope after loss. She's example of the power of prayer. She is a symbol of faith in God that He has a plan - a great plan for all of us- even though we may stumble along the way.

Soria Annalee, our almost 2-year-old going on 13 :)